“But I strive to lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus also hold of me.” (Php 3:12, NET)
You were with me this morning Lord.
I mean, I was aware of it.
As I held my son.
As he laid in my arms.
As my arm was around him.
As I ran my fingers through his hair.
As I reassured him of my love.
As I protected him.
As I fed him.
As security was embodied.
No one was more safe then you my son, this morning, in my arms.
Oh God, I saw something of my future this morning in my son.
Oh God I saw something of you in my love for him.
Oh God I know what it means!
I know what you mean, O to depths of my heart,
“he will quiet you
by his love.”
Zeph 3:17, ESV
Oh God I felt some of your grief in the waiting. As you wait to hold me. As I become the son of this morning.
Observing the length of my finger nails…
Observing the smoothness of my eyelids…
Caressing my brow with the lightness of your thumb…
Watching me drift away…
Grinning within the security you give me.
“I will rejoice in doing them good,
and I will plant them in this land of faithfulness,
with all my heart and all my soul.”
Jer 32:41, ESV
I felt the reality of you this morning in a chair. The power that comes with this existential grace.
The power that overwhelms me. That gives me love for my neighbor.
Oh God my hands are shaking.
Oh God your stripping me of fear, of lifelessness, of selfishness, of faithlessness.
Your quieting the hell in me!
The death in me!
The rebellion in me!
Oh GOD!! the crust of death is falling from my heart and I can hardly breathe.
Oh God please, for every reason Christ died…
For every reason you sent him…
For every reason you chose me…
Continue this work unitl I am a stranger to myself.
Until I am killed completely.
You give power the mind could never imagine. You give light to the soul. You empower the intangible.
You hold what we can’t see. You animate our being.
“In him we live
and have our being.”
Acts 17:28, ESV
I reaffirm to you Lord my full desire that you would have your way with me.
And may I and the world sit in wonder…
“Look among the nations,
wonder and be astounded.
For I am doing a work in your days that
you would not believe if told.”
Hab 1:5, ESV (cf., Acts 13:41)
O Immanuel, what a robust repose you give.